Just lately, I don't think anyone could really understand anything I'm going through right now.
These past days, been so brutal, its been keeping me up every night and cry my everything out.
These past days, been so worked up for nothing, I'm getting no where, and should just give up sometime soon.
I don't want to live right now, wasting my time and breathe working my body so eased up, on things I am told cannot be fixed at the moment.. and truth be told, neither do I.

I don't think many people understand what I'm thinking right now, or what has been happening lately.
Every little problem has been getting to me, and is eating my insides so slowly, I can feel it, and it hurts to endure so..
I'm nearly crying to the point at night where i can hardly say i never wanted to scream mercy for breathing complications.
I'm nearly feeling more pathetic each second, and i'm nearly feeling more embarrassed trying to save myself, i'm just putting myself out there saying i'm purposely a fool hurting myself still.

I want the old days to come back,
where i wasn't proud of anything,
i was myself, i wasn't embarrassing in public around people
i was actually calm and not obnoxious
i was actually nervous to meet new people, i was nervous to take risks/chances
i wasn't a fool, i wasn't a immature little teen,
i never gave anyone a hard time,
i was quiet,
drama never existed
things were easier to let go,
hardly anything would get to me, or in fact hardly anyone..

first time trying weed was so amazing,
hearing about buying weed was so thrilling,
traveling was so much fun than it seemed
everyone was so excited to see each other
people being fake never existed..

I just cant help but worry most of my nights on so much.
Being worried gets to me a lot, i tend to get discomfort from it, and soon my mood disfigures to unsure and discontent.
This world, makes me feel so unsure and hardly safe.
Im so unaware of many things, and i cant stand it.
I'd like to be that change though, the kind that can mean a difference, and this world could actually be tagged as a place that has actually changed.
I struggle to new notions and daily habits.
I struggle to stop with bad habits to make them into old and idle things.

I need a world that can be considered content,
i want a world that does not carry problems enough to upset people.
I wish i could change the world i want to see, but i cannot set my mind to it, im still in the past struggling to get out for freedom and try new healthy habits for myself and this world itself.

Its hard to live in a world that you can stand it's smell,
Or cannot stand what you see from your eyes, or what you just witnessed.
I dont feel comfortable in a place where there is cnstant war, and hardly any positive solution is made.
I cant understand why when you hear strong talkers say they will change this world, or they already have, why is it, i dont feel that change?
why..

If ones who say they cannot understand things,
then i myself, cannot either,
which makes not just me, but everyone blind from so much, and thats why we are all physically getting sick and mentally getting complications in life.
This world is not what it use to be... and this world is not what the world, the world wants to see.